Appreciating the gift of this day

If you've followed my two previous entries on this blog you probably think I'm constantly in need of encouragement.  When I re-read my own words I think that. Admittedly, some days it seems to be true.  Life has a way of beating us up and kicking us around like that.  However, recently I ran across something I wrote several years ago that has convicted me about my attitude of ingratitude.  (Sounds like a preacher's sermon title, right? ;)




 Here is what I wrote:
"...It's amazing how one moment in time can forever alter your entire life. ...This particular moment, however, is the most life-defining moment I've ever faced.  This moment, which seemed to stretch out into hours and days, brought me to the edge of God's one revelation that is most important to all Christians.  Something we all know, yet refuse to acknowledge daily by the very character of our lifestyles.
                    
                       This life on earth is not what we were made for. 


Our only purpose while we are passing time here is to serve God in whatever ways we can.  Our ultimate destination still lies ahead of us.  It is what matters most in all of eternity.  HE waits for us there with open arms.  Everything that we work to acquire does not add one bit of importance to our eternal lives.  Everything that we have does not count for much when measured by God's standards.  All that matters in God's eyes cannot be seen with human eyes.  It is what--or Who-- resides in our hearts.  It is giving back to HIM ownership of our lives--body and soul.  It means realizing that we never had control of our lives and surrendering our wills to HIS.  It means total and complete trust in whatever comes.


...This will never be an easy road to travel.  We will never achieve perfect harmony and peace for every day of our lives.  We are still human.  This is a life-long struggle to keep God first, above all else.  Daily we must remind ourselves that, whether good or bad, this day is a gift from God..."


And, Here is what preceded that moment:
In September of 2002, my world was turned upside down in a series of moments.  After several hours of waiting in the ER where my husband, Dewayne, thought he was trying to pass a kidney stone, a young doctor's non-chalant words knocked my world off its well-ordered axis.  Here is what I remember hearing him say, "Well Mr Raines, we've got some good news and some bad news.  You definitely don't have kidney stones.  Do you know what lymphoma is?"


Imagine how you'd feel if your heart stopped beating and you knew it.  You can see and hear everything around you but you feel like you are no longer a part of the existence of this world.  You're just standing there watching everything like a scene from a movie.  


Several hours later--as Dewayne lay in a drug-induced sleep--my heart began to beat again, the oxygen began flowing to my brain and conscious  thought returned.  My need to control this situation became apparent to me.  What to go home and say to our children, phone calls to our parents and family, friends, church members, employers...my brain tried to organize the words and prioritize the tasks.  Amazingly, I was even trying to think how I was going to "fix" this whole cancer situation.  Because, up until this point in my life even though I claimed to trust God, my prayers usually centered around trying to tell HIM how to handle my life.  


That evening as I lay across Dewayne's hospital bed, crying and pouring my heart out to GOD, my life forever changed.  No angels appeared.  There wasn't a bright light shining down from heaven.  Merely a small, quiet voice whispered to my heart, "You can't fix this.  But everything will be okay."  In that moment I realized that I did not want to lose this man who is the love of my life...but if I did...how blessed my life had been to have him.  His salvation is sure and if he left me now, we would be together again one day in glory.  I knew in that moment that whatever happened would be God's will and that gave my heart peace.  


If you don't know--the cancer was not lymphoma and Dewayne is in remission now. I am grateful for everyday that we have together.  I am blessed that I found and married my soul mate.  Our lives are in no way perfect...but they are intertwined as our hearts are.  


Though I often need reminding, I have peace because I know who is in control of my life. Each moment is a gift that I may waste or spend wisely.  Daily I struggle with the choices I make.  But today I gratefully continue my journey...


"...By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward--to Jesus.  I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back."  Phil.  3:13-14