Truth

Just a word or two to clear my head this morning.

I am fortunate enough to have found the love of my life when I was 15 years old.  When you spend that much of your life with someone, it is hard not to know them to the very core of his soul.  And I do know him.  

He is so full of life, joy and dreams that people are drawn to him like a moth to a flame.  Unfortunately, that means all sorts of people.  Good, loyal friends who would do anything for him and who have stuck by him as long as I have. Also, there are leeches.  The sort of people who have very little of his charm and none of his light.  They want to bleed this light from him for their own purposes or maybe they just want to bask in the glow for a time until they can't handle it anymore.  Then they attempt to carry him down with them into the flame.  

Let me add here that when we met, I was enamored of the light as much as anyone else.  It takes a while to learn the workings of someone's heart.  And I tend to guard mine from outsiders.  Not him.  He is what he is.  Loving, generous, open...unprotected.  He faces the world head-on and damn the consequences.  He thinks others mean what they say and say what they mean.  I know better.  

Life has taught me to be suspicious of others and their motives.  No one really means what they say all of the time.  Very few say what they mean... ever.   In the South, women are notoriously skilled at veiled compliments and nasty word play.  I've always wished to be better with this talent.  However, anyone who knows me has witnessed the spectacle of foot in mouth that I often display.  There is very little filter between my brain and my mouth. Perhaps that is why I place such a high value on honesty in others.

All of this is to say that today--through yet another gut-wrenching life experience-- God has made me realize the sacred truth about life in this world a little more clearly.  This world is temporal.  Heaven is eternal.  This is not our home and we will never be completely content as long as we dwell here. I must remember where the origin of my joy is and let my mind and heart live there in order to survive this world.  This world is full of the evils of sin.  Just open your eyes, or expose your heart and you will see it.

"6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."   

1 Peter 5:6-10 NIV

Sometimes, I hate being so cynical...

...and I try to think back and pinpoint if there was just one moment when it happened.  You know, like, if I could reverse my thinking on that one life experience, I could return to an age of innocence and naivete.  But, no, it was a series of life events and experiences with the world that changed me from the annoyingly, optimistic, glass-half-full thinker to the almost-bitter-but-not-quite-pessimist.  

Because I was Suzy Sunshine back in the day.  Always ready with a word of encouragement and looking for the rainbow through the storm clouds.  And then, I was trounced and stomped and beat up by the real world.  When you do that to someone who has always had a stubborn mind-set and a fighting spirit...it is not a long journey to the survivalist who evolves into a cynic.

And then I look at my kids and think with regret that my conversion into cynicism forever affected the way that they look at the world.  Because my road to cynicism was begun before they entered this world.   I think I wanted to protect them from the heartbreaks, painful encounters and cruel behavior that others can inflict on you.  So, in my efforts to shield them from pain, I might have given them a tougher shell than I should have.  

Once, after completing a study on spiritual gifts, when I discovered that my lowest score was in "mercy" I was a little taken aback when my pastor/friend remarked, "Well that is no surprise."  Then I began to reflect on my personality and the persona that I portrayed to the world.  I don't have much sympathy with stupidity, boorish behavior or the lack of common sense.  I am an impatient person.  I raised my kids not to cry at every little scrape or fall.  It is the way that I was raised.  But I never thought that I lacked compassion or mercy.  In truth, I'm not certain that I had ever been introspective enough to look that far into my character.  It was a little painful to realize how far from the simple innocent I had come.

There's no real point to this post.  Just an introspective moment brought on by missing my kids today.  A moment of selfish indulgence...and a little regret.

Honey vs Vinegar

A girl I worked with once loved to say, "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."  

She said this to me because she saw me lose my temper and become frustrated--on more than one occasion--at impossible, rude, demanding customers.  While I would give myself a headache while holding my tongue and "taking crap" from these people--who literally believed that "The customer is always right" mantra meant "I am better, smarter and more privileged than you and therefore will treat you as a lowly servant and you should be glad that I've deigned to speak to you"--she never lost her cool and did not let the idiots get to her.  

While I understood her meaning in the honey-vinegar phrase, it took me many years of working in retail and dealing with the public before I reached her zen place of peace.  It was only when I realized that in allowing these socially-backward fools an opportunity to cause me stress, I was letting them have the very power over me that they imagined that they did.  As long as I behave with proper manners and respect for others--as any good Southerner is taught--and follow the Golden Rule, then I have honey in abundance.

FYI:  This is The Golden Rule "In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.."  Matthew 7:12

I've often found that I actually pity the distraught, bitter, hysterical creature who becomes so easily agitated when no one lays out the red carpet for her arrival or bows and scrapes at her feet.  It is easy to see that there is little happiness or joy in the life of one who attacks the world head-on filled with anger and hatred with little to no provocation.

Let's get a little closer to our own circle...What about your dinner companion that rants at the poor waitress when she mistakenly puts a lemon on the glass of sweet tea?  Or the shopper who rams past everyone to try to be first in the checkout line when a new register is opened?

Have you ever considered what the actions of this person demonstrate about his character?   Entitlement. Arrogance. Rude. Unpleasant. Insensitive. Lack of Respect or Consideration for Others.  Lack of Manners.  Bitterness. Unhappiness.  Friendless. Contemptible.

Let's pull our focus on this circle in a little tighter...Have you ever been this person? If I must be honest--and I must--I am sad to say that there are times when I have been this person.  Maybe I'd had a bad day, or a series of bad days.  Maybe I was hungry and my blood sugar was low.  Perhaps I was concerned about paying the bills, or the heater on the van not working.  Or maybe I just felt bad and wanted to take it out on someone else.  Lots of excuses...but none are really justifiably excused.

On the other hand what does The Word of God say about our character as a Christian?  
"  12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. 14 Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.16 Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father."  Colossians 3:12-17

And, by no means am I there.  But, I keep on trying.   Making honey instead of vinegar. 

When you are getting ready to go out and about this week...try to remember to put on the character of Christ as part of your wardrobe.  I will too.  

Manners, morals and more

I know...you didn't really think I'd make it back today.  I wasn't so sure either.

Immediately when you see that post title your mind thinks, "Great! Another old person to lecture me about how the world is going to hell in a hand basket! Click."(The "click" was your mouse closing the open tab.)  Or maybe, you don't even know that expression and your brain used a totally different phrase.  But chances are...you were on the same train of thought. The conductor was yelling, "All Aboard!"  and you jumped on.  Admit it.

The intention here is not to lecture.  Just factual observations from someone who has been hanging around planet earth for more than a couple of decades. 

 

First, back in the dark ages--when we had only 3 or 4 channels to choose from on our TV and we were not that far removed from black and whites--I remember my parents getting all upset over changes in tv censorship.  There was a show on that featured a crusty, middle-aged, blue collar, New Yorker and his lovable, daffy wife; their hip, modern daughter and her liberal-thinking, long-haired husband.  Suddenly the words "H-E-double hockey sticks" and not the kind of "dam" like a beaver builds were blasting into our home amid audience laughter.  Shocking.

Next, there were two bouncy-boobied girls who were sharing an apartment with a loveable, not-quite-leacherous guy...simply to make ends meet.  Plus, there was a lot of innuendo that was cloaked in corny antics and cheesy jokes.

I'm pretty sure I heard adults using the "hell in a handbasket" phrase.  All my friends and I thought it was no big deal.  

**Sidebar**Although my parents did not use profanity or foul language in our home--I had heard other adults and some of my friends use it.  As a matter of fact, I remember trying to make my best friend in the 4th grade stop "cussing".  Every time she did, I kicked her in the rear.  We laughed about it, but the next year I was lecturing her on the dangers of smoking when she stole cigarettes from her mom and dad.  I don't know where she is today.  I hope you gave up the smoking, Angie.

Fast forward to today.  The profane and obscene language is so far removed from those 2 words that shocked the world back when I was growing up...there is no comparison.  

TV shows are almost expected to feature gay and homosexual characters in them or they are considered biased and prejudiced. Really?  Does every single home, work place and neighborhood have the token "Homosexual Family or Person" in reality?  Not in my reality.  Hasn't the fear of political correctness taken our world hostage? 

We can't have prayers to God on TV without causing a huge stir.  It may be considered offensive to some to refer to God or Jesus in public places and events.  However, if other religions are not allowed to practice their rites and rituals on the job or in public places...then we are offending them.  How is this possible?  Double standard?

There is no doubt that our world has been tilted so far off its axis that the only way it can ever get back where it belongs will require a painful and difficult process.  And sadly, there are a large majority that are much happier to just keep walking at a slant.  

Morality is on a slippery slope and is quickly losing ground.  We, as a people have chosen this course and only we can change it.

15 Look here! Today I’ve set before you life and what’s good versus death and what’s wrong. 16 If you obey the Lord your God’s commandments that I’m commanding you right now by loving the Lord your God, by walking in his ways, and by keeping his commandments, his regulations, and his case laws, then you will live and thrive, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. 17 But if your heart turns away and you refuse to listen, and so are misled, worshipping other gods and serving them, 18 I’m telling you right now that you will definitely die. 

Deuteronomy 30:15-18a CEB

Okay...so I didn't talk about manners today...maybe tomorrow?

Don't Faint...I'm not dead yet.

As Charlie Brown says when Lucy pulls that stupid football away...
"Aaauugh!"  It is unbelievable that he continually falls for that, right?   Like it is unbelievable that it has been more than a year since I was here.  Talk about running scared. You'd think I would have lost some weight during that marathon sprint away from this blog.  But, No.  Didn't happen.

So, exactly what's up?
Through a series of life events that have been tumultuous, difficult and--at times--heartbreaking this blog has been ignored and pushed to the back of my heart over the last year and a half.  I'm not going into detail about it all.  Just know that I am still here and I'm still not sure where this journey is going to take me, but I do know my ultimate destination.  And I'm okay with that.  I know who holds my future and I'm trying to get back on His track and stay the course.  

Today, I lost my temper at an insensitive, self-indulgent remark made on a social media site and began to realize how much I had to say in response to this unfortunate, socially-backward, good-manner-lacking individual.  Guess where that led me?  I'm here, aren't I?

So, maybe God has a wonderful sense of humor when it comes to gently guiding me back to His path.  Today I will choose to take a deep breath, think slowly and deliberately about what my next post will be about and attempt to write it tomorrow.  That is my goal and I pray that I have the courage to stick with it.  

Thanks for your patience with my self-indulgence today.  ;)
Happy Monday,  Pam 

What I have to say today...some may find offensive or controversial.  I am merely voicing truths about my own simplistic views as a child and recalling, as accurately as possible moments from my past.   All I offer is an honest look at a past moment in time as it is recorded in my memory and an honest thought about prejudice and hatred as I see it.

Prejudice

I remember what a scary thing it was for me starting to school in the first grade.  My family had recently moved from our country home where I had been  surrounded by relatives galore.  Our home was in a community where my mother had grown up and lived all her life with grandparents, aunts and uncles across the road from us.  Second, third and fourth cousins lived nearby and I was never quite clear on which people in our little church family were actually kin or just friends of the family.  It was like living engulfed in a great big security blanket.  Everyone knew me or my mother and daddy or my grandparents or someone in my family.  All I have to say even now  if I return for a visit--or most likely a funeral these days--is that I am Eva Nell's daughter and they "know" me.

However, in August of 1967 we moved one county to the north just weeks before I was to begin first grade.  In our little country school, there had been no kindergarten program--only Head Start.  My memories of Head Start are:  

1) I got to ride the school bus with my big sister.  The bus driver was one of those mystery people that might, or might not be kin who went to church with us.  His first name was Army and he let me sit behind him and operate the lever that opened and closed the door.  

2) The lady who taught it was a cousin.  I called her by her first name instead of Mrs. Perdue.

3) I already knew my alphabet and how to read simple sentences thanks to my big sister, who is now in fact, a school teacher.  She was extremely bossy and began teaching me everything as soon as she began to learn it.  

4) We spent a lot of time playing with a "Pretend Store" where I often got to run the cash register and take money because I could count so well.

5) My favorite part of Head Start was when, during the bus ride home in the afternoon, we stopped at the store.  This was owned by another distant cousin and if I had any money,  I got to buy a pack of candy cigarettes or a coke--which was not usually a Coca Cola--but a Grape Nehi.

So with all that in mind, here I was starting first grade in a city that has not just one school, filled with familiar faces--for the whole community--but about 6 or 7 elementary schools filled with strangers.  It wasn't as big as Birmingham, but it was a much larger world than where I had come from.  My first surprise was finding two black girls and a Jewish girl in my class.  

Both of the black girls were fairly aggressive towards all the other kids and most everyone was a little afraid of them.  Being raised with several boy cousins who found out first hand that making fun of my red hair, freckles or short stature earned a quick, hard kick in the shins (or worse) had given me confidence in defending myself.  So I quickly earned the respect of Brenda and Markeetha when I made the boys in the classroom pay in like kind.  Then  they deemed themselves my protectors as well. Any boy who messed with me--had to deal with the  two of them.   I won't say that we became fast friends, but I think we developed a mutual respect for one another.  

The Jewish girl was really fascinating to me.  I'd never seen a real Jewish person.  Her dark complexion and hair were something I coveted.  I hated my red hair and freckles.  I didn't really understand what the big deal was when one of the other kids explained to me one day at lunch, "She's Jewish!"  like they were saying "She's got leprosy!"  I think I remember just staring and trying to determine what it was about her that made her be Jewish.  To me, it was a thing to be envied.  I had been going to church almost from the hour of my birth and I was no dummy.  I knew that Jesus was a Jew.  How cool to be a Jew like Jesus!  I thought it must be wonderful. Sadly, I don't even remember her name.  She moved away during or at the end of the school year and I don't remember every hearing about her again.

I know now that ignorance and prejudice have caused many misplaced ideas and hatreds through-out time.  They continue today.  But, as a very naive, simplistic 6-year old, those thoughts had no home in my mind.   I did not understand them then and I can't find the logic in them now.

Often, I think about how in learning about God's love and forgiveness, a child can accept that whole truth and believe that it applies to all people.  So why do adults have so much difficulty with it?  Why do prejudices and hatreds still exist among different races, religions, cultures? Just my thought of the day.

And He called a little child to Himself and put him in the midst of them,

    ³And said, Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all].

    ⁴Whoever will humble himself therefore and become like this little child [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving] is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

   ⁵And whoever receives and accepts and welcomes one little child like this for My sake and in My name receives and accepts and welcomes Me.

    ⁶But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in and ^[a]acknowledge and cleave to Me to stumble and sin [that is, who entices him or hinders him in right conduct or thought], it would be better (^[b]more expedient and profitable or advantageous) for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be sunk in the depth of the sea.

    ⁷Woe to the world for such temptations to sin and influences to do wrong! It is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the person on whose account or by whom the temptation comes!   Matthew 18: 2-7 AMPLIFIED BIBLE

Looking at My Privileged Past...


Sometimes, it does take a 2x4 whacking me "upside the head" to get my attention.  But occasionally I can get the point in more subtle ways.  God has used several different sources this morning to remind me that, in spite of my imperfect past history--I am blessed--have been blessed in so many ways more than most.  


I'm currently reading a book by one of my new favorite authors, who just so happens to be a Southerner and from my own great home state of Alabama.  Though he arrived on this red clay soil only months before, and grew up less than a hundred miles northeast of where I was born, our life histories are worlds apart.  


Never do I remember going to bed hungry.  There may have been meals that stretched a dollar as tight as a rubber band, but I never knew it.  I may have gotten cold on winter nights, but I could always jump out of bed in my favorite "Tomato Soup Red" flannel pajamas and stand in front of the wall heater.  Then just when I began to feel like a bowl of hot soup, I'd run and leap back into bed under the warmth and security of one of grandmother's heavy quilts.  Later, when we moved into "town" all I had to do was stand over the central heating vent and let the warm air blow up my flannel gown like a big balloon.  And when my feet were warm...I'd run as quick as the wind and jump into my bed and snuggle under the covers.  (I may not have mentioned this before...but when I was young...I ran all the time.  Maybe that's a post for another day.)


There was always food and warmth and security in my little world.  Imperfections...sure.  But I remember fun times playing with my sisters and cousins.  Visiting grandparents, aunts and uncles always meant lots of food and lots of fun.  I always had clothes to wear and shoes for my feet, even when I would have preferred to go without shoes.  We had plenty of toys and most importantly, BOOKS.  Fortunately, my sisters enjoyed reading as well...so lots of books.  My mother still has most of our childhood books at her house today unless we've carried them home with us.  I devoured books like a fat kid eats cake.  And, we always had the resources to feed my hunger.  


Although, I do remember lots of spankings and yelling and learning to deal with short tempers, I knew that I was loved.  I may have hated that I never had the dog or cat that I wanted...but I was allowed the occasional gold fish from G.C. Murphy's.  Birthdays were always a big production and mother always asked what sort of cake we wanted for our special day.  She has even continued this tradition with all of the in-laws and grandchildren.  


We were raised in church and learned from an early age that all our blessings came from God and to be thankful for each and every one.  You might be too sick to go to school--which was very rare--but you were never too sick to go to church unless you were throwing up.  My Christian upbringing is perhaps my most valuable possession from my past.  I am grateful to my parents for giving that to my sisters and myself.  


The purpose of this post?  In recent months, I've found myself looking for excuses for my failures and lost dreams.  As I mentioned in the last post, it's easiest to point the finger away from yourself when looking for a place to lay the blame.  I've been convicted to search inside myself for answers...not just to continue to wallow in self-pity and remorse...but to try to discover how to rise above my past mistakes and failures and move forward.  So, in retrospect, my life has been blessed beyond measure.  It just takes a little bit of perspective to see that sometimes.