Like everything else that I think about doing, I can easily convince myself that:
1. it's not worth the effort
2. who cares
3. what's the point
So...enthusiasm builds until I shoot myself down and tuck that idea away in the dark with all the other things I've wanted to do in my life but never attempted. It's much easier to never try than to try and fail. Right?
Of course, that's not what I taught my kids. That's not the advice I give to friends and family. But it is the creed I have lived by for most of my life. Over-protective, overly-cautious parents with definite ideas about following the norm, conforming, fitting in...all contributed to my desire to only attempt whatever seemed assured of success. Boring...but safe. That's their way. However, I can't place all the blame on them. From an early age, I was a rebel. Talked back. Couldn't keep my mouth shut. Didn't care if I wore the latest fashions, ran with the in-crowd or even thought differently from kids my own age. And I did.
I remember thinking once when I was about 9 or 10--"I'm weird!" None of my friends cared about anything but boys, barbie dolls, bubble gum and listening to records like "Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog". I wondered about things like "Why didn't we replace money with trading like in the old days? Wouldn't that give thieves nothing to steal? No more wars over wealth. People who worked hard would have all they needed. Lazy people would get what they deserved...nothing." (Give me a break. I was 9 or 10 and very naive--up to the age of about 22.)
So what happened to that independent free-spirit? I'm just not sure. If you thought I'd have an answer...sorry. That is why I'm here. I'm on a journey of re-discovering me. Trying to figure out what purpose in this life God has for me and hoping that I find it in time to fulfill it. I know the things I love to do that make me feel fulfilled and happy. But right now...none of that is exactly paying any bills.
If you're here--"Welcome to my adventure." If you decide to return, feel free to chime in with any words of helpful advice. If you have mean things to say...no thanks! I can beat myself up anytime of day or night. I don't need your help for that. If you are searching for God's will and purpose for your life...join me and maybe we'll figure out something together.
There will be a link to this blog from my Etsy page and my FB page...if I figure it all out. But that's because they are part of my journey right now. The creative processes that I employ in the items in my Etsy shop are what are sustaining me mentally and emotionally now. (Not financially.) The brief, sweet moments when one of them sells--that is my nectar, my cup of coffee, my piece of chocolate--a sweet and precious reward that encourages and feeds my hungry soul.
God gave me this desire to create. I need to understand why and right now I need to keep doing it...Today it was with words. Tomorrow, who knows?
